I know that men and even women who have never had kids can sometimes just not even fathom how it feels to be out of control but I can literally cry over the most ridiculous stuff, knowing full well it is absolutely ridiculous, and be powerless to stop it. Like today for example... We took Aaron out for some errands as he seems normal other than his over active diaper changes. We stopped at Culver's for lunch after I had just got done explaining to John that I wasn't that hungry and probably wouldn't order much. Only when we pulled up to the menu I suddenly realized I really could eat and a burger sounded sooooo good. So I ordered a value meal. As we drove off, I was trying to get situated and John just kept driving so he couldn't really eat right off. I on the other hand was free to start eating so I did. And apparently I was eating rather quickly because I kid you not, after every bite I took, John had something to say.
John: "I thought you weren't hungry."
Me: "I changed my mind"
John: "Geeze honey, slow down."
Me: Roll my eyes - he's still trying to navigate and hasn't even started eating - it's not my fault I've already started.
John: Staring at me while in the turn lane, "I guess you were hungry after all."
Me: Starting to feel a little piggish or something. I mean I'm just eating my burger, leave me alone. I take one more bite.
John: "I thought you weren't going to order much."
Me: Set the burger down in my lap and start melting down completely. Why is he badgering me?! Am I that fat and ugly? Totally irrational I know but the tears are already flowing and I can't stop them. I'm like one of those biggest loser contestants on their entry videos with the giant burger and fries. The ones who SHOULDN'T be eating that and everyone knows it.
John: Totally stunned by my outburst,"Did I hurt your feelings or something?"
It was about 20 minutes before I could calm down. I really thought about throwing the burger away because I thought he was just disgusted with me. Even though HE had a burger too. Mine just happened to be loaded with stuff and he likes his plain. Then he did the dumb bewildered man thing that I hate and stared at me forever as if that was going to make me stop crying. It fueled my tears instead. I just wanted to crawl in a hole but obviously that was out the question. And the stupid thing is that the whole time I knew the whole thing was just stupid yet I couldn't stop crying. He would say, "I need you to see how silly this is. Why are you still crying?" Which was the worst thing he could say. Then I just felt like a little kid being lectured....which...you guessed it, made me cry more.
I don't know why I am so sensitive about things or how my husband puts up with me. I only hope that he doesn't want to stop having kids because of how his wife morphs when she's pregnant. This is only ONE of the silly things that I chalk up to hormones. I won't even get in to the "Baby Brain" that I have right now. I am extremely forgetful and spacey. It will be nice to be rid of this dumb hormonal nonsense. Can I please just have this kid already?! : )